Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Updated: Jan 9, 2019

Photograph by D.S.True

“I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.” - Sade Andria Zabala

In my 43 years of life, traveling the world and educating myself about different healing modalities, particular cultures, their medicines and practices…I have come to one conclusion, out of everything I do not know, what I do know conclusively…is that there is no magic potion or pill that can heal you.

Healing is an inside job. It can only be facilitated by your willingness to enter your darkness with your eyes wide open exploring your depths and most importantly…surrendering to the process.

Surrender allows you to go from hiding from your darkness, to embracing it, to fully integrating with it. The healing process can be one of the darkest moments of your life, and can also one of the most rewarding. We have been programmed to believe that darkness is bad. That we may never come back if we enter the shadows, that we will lose our self or that the pain may be unbearable.

For many years that proved true for me.

When I made a choice to no longer fear my darkness, all of the concepts I held so dearly about myself, my family, friends, and the world shattered. All that I could see was an incredibly dark tunnel before me and I knew I had to walk through it... Alone.

I spent half of my lifetime running… from myself. I unhealthily immersed myself into work, parenting, and creativity believing that if I could just hang in there and keep myself busy; the dark feelings and insights that I experienced would just disappear.

I was afraid…just like you.

As I proceeded, surrendering and being moved through my feelings, a total deconstruction of the person I once clung to and thought I knew occurred. There were many times I thought I was losing my mind and I was certain I would not make it. I was constantly awaiting the opportunity to numb myself, with distractions, to avoid facing the mistakes I’ve made in life, and the hurt that I had inflicted upon myself, and others, while in the throws of my personal pain. What I was experiencing was my resistance to the process. It was the resistance that made the changes I was going through painful.

I was in a battle between my desperate desire to race towards the tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that promised relief, as opposed to embracing my process and just accepting it. I experienced lesson after painful lesson, shattering my ego’s need to create false narratives of the realities and truths I had been conditioned to use as my shield and sword so that I could remain in the comfort of my ignorance.

In this process you must know… You will lose a lot. You will lose friends, partners, and even family members who do not understand, or fear the changes you are going through. You will lose everything that no longer serves the person you must become to be free and you will gain something much more valuable than any exterior reward.

You will gain yourself…your authentic self.

Acceptance of where you are is the beginning of the healing journey. According to Thomas Moore, author of Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life’s Ordeals “It is precisely because we resist the darkness in ourselves that we miss the depths of the loveliness, beauty, brilliance, creativity, and joy that lie at our core.”

So when you walk into the darkness of self…walk slowly. Imbedded in the walls of that dimly lit tunnel are the treasures that you will gather into yourself and bring out on the other side.

You are not alone.

I see you.

Everyone Is Healing

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